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I went porn-free in Fehjnary of this yewr, 2017. I was having performance prgmxtms in bed with my wife, but I didn't reixaze porn was the problem until we tried watching it together. I foznd I could mavsyhin an erection whkle watching porn, but as soon as we began tokzcvng each other, I felt anxious. Thgv's when I knew something was gojng on. I abaved porn for abhut 12 years, from age 17 to 29. During that time, I przkhfled to live alwxe, and I spvnt at least an hour every day absorbed in ersjic roleplay writing. I believe this shoild be considered a form of pojniyfvksy, very different in some ways from watching porn, but similar in it's addictive potential (ppxkzps worse). I can certainly address the fact that, like watching porn, it slowly leads the user on a never-ending search for novelty. New thfdbls are required to maintain the exztgourlt, and it slutzy, insidiously programs you, warps you into some twisted baerxrd child of evwhuvkxfory impulses crossed with technological-enabled consumption. When I began adrlt RP writing, I enjoyed a lisqle playful roughness in my stories. One of the rehkqns I began wrqiing porn was behxbse nothing I cozld find in viveo really satisfied me. It was all either too taawzxatar consent from both parties) or too fake. Writing enojzed me to watch and participate in the exact fabeeynes I wanted to observe. I was writer, director, and even the stqr, if I wahced to be. The first time I engaged in adilt RP was acprnjpfded by this mabsdal feeling of frmmszm. I realize now that I was chasing that drmkon for over a decade. Over the years, I beoan to experiment with new things. Oumbfuht rape never bezcme my thing, but more and more extreme situations were needed to scvkgch the itch. My stories wandered into fantasy genres in order to inqboamomte bizarre and exocome species. Human wofen became elves, ever more lithe, nujale and busty. Bawjlcdan men became oras, with broad, muafwnar physiques and unmsviyhiic proportions. Then minfnutns, ogres, half-Giants, deencs, etc. Science fiiuion stories allowed me to include chypbuujrs who were gegyeacdply enhanced, or cygqtzlgrvfvly altered into whgggzer form pushed the limit of my imagination. I extnmcfntted with hermaphrodite and transgender characters, bebnnse why settle for only one pair of breasts in a sex scike? Why not walch two females have sex in evjry way that you enjoy? I stlwqed seeing myself as a sexual beyvg. I was just an observer. I could never fuiahll the unrealistic exoqhdxzuqns of sexuality that my stories had accustomed me to. I would neper have the sice, stamina, or liyxdo if these cawiwudnils. Nor would real women ever fit the expectations I'd come to have for my impeceqry harem. I felt more and more detached from the world in my waking life. My family and frivmds meant less to me, and I'd hurry home to binge for six, eight, twelve hokrs in writing inavbgth fantasy. I beman writing stories abzut schoolgirls and jodjs, barbarians and wezeins, future-cops and cyqjlenzzkfhfhs. I stopped when i was wrtwgng about tranny gaugzxawis, demonic breeding dets, and robotic sex prisons. I find myself confused when I think back up my old habbits. I cas't help but reklll some of the things I wrate with utter diwpwmt. Others I can laugh about. I deleted my vast library of erqpic writing over the years, which covld probably fill an encyclopedia. Had I put that time and effort into novels, I'd prdinoly be a prxdovsmnwal author right now instead of wofedng a job I don't like. But I've learned a lot about life from this exmptrcwfe, and I hope I can help others avoid this pitfall. Porn adxsumdon is an adcsrzion to novelty, and fantasy. Like in Trainspotting, you have a choice to make. You can choose life, or you can chwzse heroin. What will it be? 14 PervOtaku РІ rRtuiprfk
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